Blog

Not having work be my purpose for getting out of bed each morning, I wondered what exactly was getting me up and going each morning.  

Have you buried your grief, only to find that the ghost of grief still haunts you? Grief emerged as an issue for me during a guided meditation. 

The Ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, is quoted to have said, "The only constant is change." Still we resist. What is your relationship like with change? 

"What would you do if you only had 15 minutes to live?" It wasn't the question from Dr. Bernie Siegel, but rather my answer that started the neurosynaptic reflection process. I wondered, "What is it about joy or lack of joy, that affects a person's overall well-being?"

There is a strong tendency to focus on dietary habits and cancer; prevention (or not) and cure (or not). Nutritional choices have a role, but there are more factors to be considered. If cancer is a "call for change", my soul prayer is "Reveal to me what in my life am I meant to change." Healing for me does not mean that I will not die. We will all die. Healing for me is about living the life I was given more fully, more honestly, more lovingly, and more joyously.

I can harness the wind, but I cannot change its force or direction. I can accept my fate, while I co-create my destiny. Is the diagnosis of cancer my fate combined with my destiny? It feels like I am paddling into the wind. 

November 2012 I was in New York City, attending Robert Holden's Success course. A cancer diagnosis in 2020 has left me wondering once again, what being successful really means to me. Guided to re-listen his audio book, Authentic Success, I heard the question, "What do you want?" My response this time was, "It all depends on who in me is answering?"

Many people were as surprised about me being diagnosed with cancer as I was. Perhaps it was because if it could happen to me, it could happen to them. That was how I felt by the death of Laura Harris. She was just fifty-three (my age now). She was active and outgoing. It was her death almost 12 years ago, that taught me not to wait to live life. She also taught me to swim better, helping me to make it through the 1.5 km half-ironman swim. How does someone not take cancer personally, when it has so much potential to lead to death? 

Who am I really? How am I meant to serve the greater good? What will I do with the rest of my life? These are just a few of the questions that continue to wash over me, as I sit in that row boat, in the middle of the ocean surrounded by the fog. 

"What is your relationship with uncertainty?" Personally, I have spent the past year wrestling with life's uncertainties.  Not just because of the global pandemic, but because I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer in early February 2020.