Blog

With each passing day, the reality that I am dying hits home. Dying this young wasn't part of my plan. Really though, is it part of anyone's plan?

Navigating through cancer is at times like being on a path that is overgrown. Which path do I take when everything is overgrown and feels unfamiliar?

What it feels like to face mortality when it staring you right in the face? 

The Ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, is quoted to have said, "The only constant is change." Still we resist. What is your relationship like with change? 

There is a strong tendency to focus on dietary habits and cancer; prevention (or not) and cure (or not). Nutritional choices have a role, but there are more factors to be considered. If cancer is a "call for change", my soul prayer is "Reveal to me what in my life am I meant to change." Healing for me does not mean that I will not die. We will all die. Healing for me is about living the life I was given more fully, more honestly, more lovingly, and more joyously.

Many people were as surprised about me being diagnosed with cancer as I was. Perhaps it was because if it could happen to me, it could happen to them. That was how I felt by the death of Laura Harris. She was just fifty-three (my age now). She was active and outgoing. It was her death almost 12 years ago, that taught me not to wait to live life. She also taught me to swim better, helping me to make it through the 1.5 km half-ironman swim. How does someone not take cancer personally, when it has so much potential to lead to death? 

Who am I really? How am I meant to serve the greater good? What will I do with the rest of my life? These are just a few of the questions that continue to wash over me, as I sit in that row boat, in the middle of the ocean surrounded by the fog. 

"What is your relationship with uncertainty?" Personally, I have spent the past year wrestling with life's uncertainties.  Not just because of the global pandemic, but because I was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer in early February 2020.